Why? Because the  RMT (Rail, Maritime and Transport Union) is sulking. They've asked for something and been told "no". In fact they've asked for a 5% pay rise and a promise of no redundancies over the coming year. In the current economic climate that's like a fat white kid, sitting in an Ethiopian dust bowl asking for a third slice of cake, while surround by living skeletons too weak to brush the diseased flies off their eyes.

Of course the problem for most people is how to get to work, so here are some suggestions:

Boris Jonson, who apparently, despite my repeatedly pinching and bitch-slapping myself, appears to be Mayor of London, has greatly increased the amount of public transport along the Thames. So I suggest everyone surf to work on the back of a nuclear submarine.

Harness the power of Bob Crow (Leader of the RMT) by strapping yourself to his back and making him fly you to work. Unless he isn't actually a crow, which I doubt. Otherwise why would he be called that?

There are going to be "escorts to lead cyclists across the capital". What a great idea.  Who better to help you get to work than a high-class courtesan, with a beautiful body, cold dead eyes and nothing on her mind but the money in your wallet, and a brief break from the beatings of her pimp?

Or just don't go to work; you don't like it anyway.