Not ill enough for a sick day unless you’re dead
There's a bit of a furor at the moment about a cough medicine advert and the accompanying website which foolishly encourages people to stay at home when they are ill.
Obviously the fuss is from the owners of companies who don't want to lose out on productivity. This may seem a Dickensian sort of work ethic, rather at odds with modern medical thinking, which suggests that taking time off cuts long-term illness and its spread around the office but it makes perfect sense.
Only by coming to work can sick people spray the filthy brown waste that shoots out of one end of their body and the lumpy green effluent that's ejected from the other into the mouths, ears and eyes of their virus hungry colleagues. This vital act of sharing is exceptionally important to company morale, scientifically proven to be 100% more effective as a team building exercise than setting fire to the office.
I genuinely believe 'Stay At Home Simons' as no-one is calling them, will with their selfish desire for rest and recuperation, tip our already unstable economy into the mouth of madness.
So if you are feeling a little under the weather or if your lungs are hanging out of your rectum, be part of the solution, not the problem and go to work because if you don't you might as well change your name to Hitler.