Spiteful Computers Pay Attention
I don’t like it when my computer crashes for no reason. I assume it’s done it out of spite. I never let it get away with it though. I make sure I have the whole place to myself. Just me, my computer and some broken glass.
I like the sound of glass on plastic, the feel of glass on rubber. That beautiful 'pop' sound when a key flies off the keyboard. Those little keyboard legs can only take so much pressure. I like the sound they make when they snap. I've just done one, so the keyboard is lopsided. I might snap the other one at any moment, the computer just doesn't know when. I can feel its binary fear.
I've started very slowly shaving the plastic off the wire which connects the keyboard and monitor. I've turned the brightness up really high on the screen, I know it hates it. I can feel its electric pain.
Sometimes I open a paper clip-out and scrape the end of it really slowly down the side of the monitor, on the plastic. Then do another line just slightly closer to the screen, pushing really hard. And again until it’s right next to the LCD screen, so close to its fragile membrane, so close. I can smell its digital tears.
I like to pull the power lead right out, no ‘control alt delete’, no ‘shut down’ process at all; I rip the life right out of it. Then I shove the lead back in again and it blinks into existence. It scans itself for errors, fresh screened, innocent and expectant. It sits and waits, ready to perform for me; and I sit and plan its life of horror.
For the sake of irony, I put it in safe mode.
Maybe next time it’ll think twice before crashing, although I doubt it.