Obama: The Facts
Wow. I never thought I'd see the day. A black president. They'll be teaching women to read next. No it's really rather special, so to mark to occasion here are some OBAMA-FACTS.
1. When Obama is enraged his elbow spikes emerge, ready to repel enemies.
2. When Obama senses attack, projectile-resistant scales immediately cover his whole (oh yeah) body.
3. When Obama hears a child cry, a sub-sonic wave of tear-blasting sympathy is automatically emitted from his spinal column.
4. When Obama sees any form of prejudice his eyes immediately emit a solid beam of pure empathy into the offending party, ensuring immediate regret, apologies and financial compensation.
5. When Obama uncovers an environmental catastrophe he immediately inhales in it's direction, sucking it up and instantly neutralising all forms of toxicity within his purity of spirit.
6. When Obama sees children fight in the street a vision of blood and pain involving their parents and pets is immediately delivered into their minds via Obamalepathy (like telepathy only much more pure and strong).
7. When Obama cries, he cries bullets of justice and steely determination.
8. When Obama meets foreign dignitaries, they feel dirty; until they shake his hand. Then they feel clean.
9. When Obama encounters a financial crisis, his body immediately modifies to ensure he eats failing companies and excretes money.
10. When Obama sees starving children on TV, a piece of his soul is automatically transmitted to them which will nourish them for years to come.