Tube Strike – Solved by Prostitutes?
There's going to be a tube strike.
Why? Because the RMT (Rail, Maritime and Transport Union) is sulking. They've asked for something and been told "no". In fact they've asked for a 5% pay rise and a promise of no redundancies over the coming year. In the current economic climate that's like a fat white kid, sitting in an Ethiopian dust bowl asking for a third slice of cake, while surround by living skeletons to weak to brush the diseased flies off their eyes.
Of course the problem for most people is how to get to work, so here are some suggestions:
Boris Jonson, who, apparently, despite my repeatedly pinching and bitch-slapping myself appears to be Mayor of London, has greatly increased the amount of public transport along the Thames. So I suggest everyone surf to work on the back of a nuclear submarine.
Harness the power of Bob Crow (Leader of the RMT) by strapping yourself to his back and making him fly you to work. Unless he isn't actually a crow, which I doubt. Otherwise why would he be called that?
There are going to be "escorts to lead cyclists across the capital". What a great idea. Who better to help you get to work than a high class courtesan, with a beautiful body, cold dead eyes and nothing on her mind but the money in your wallet and a brief break from the beatings of her pimp?
Don't go to work, you don't like it anyway.
Mooo
I went to the Lake District recently. It’s a very middle class holiday destination. Minimal air miles, men in huge coats and Teflon coated hats marching up hills, portable sat-nav in hand. I don’t know if it’s usually men’s idea to go there but I saw a lot of women, trudging along behind in leggings and a pair of white trainers, I suspect they usually wear to yoga and call pumps. They don’t look very excited about being there. I imagine they’re having conversations which go something like this
Him: “Come on darling! Where’s your sense of adventure?!”
Her: “I left it in the Volvo.”
Still though, I like the countryside, the cows say moo. But they mean yes.