Vermin Wars
in a galaxy far, far away
there was a parallel universe.
In that universe, Luke Skywalker was a gerbil, Princess Leia was a butterfly, Jabba the Hut was still a massive slug and Han Solo can be seen here:
It tastes exactly like carbonite.
Yes. It's a mouse someone found in some malt loaf. Must have been a great game of hide and seek. Bad place to hide though. Somewhere there's a very frustrated cat.
I like malt loaf. It's one of those things you're not suppsed to eat until you're at least 75. Still though by that time I should at least be able to cut it with a real working light sabre (mutters silent prayer to robo-god of the future).
Gas BBQ? What next, shoes made of cheese?
Gas barbecue? Are you joking?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for modern technology, I’m as keen to implant nano-genius into my head and get a death-ray mounted on the bonnet of my car as the next self-hating, rage-filled suburbanite. But there are some things which just aren’t right.
Barbecues, on the surface, may be about eating food that’s slightly burnt and has a rather lovely smokey flavour but don’t be fooled. At the heart of the barbecue is the ability to make fire and cook on it. The barbecue puts us to the test. The barbecue says, “IF you were stranded on a dessert island could you hack it (with only what you can forage from B&Q)?”
Pathetic
The real barbecue asks the question and then demands you answer it. Not only that but that you do so within a short time; there’s only so long people will wait to eat before they go inside and use the grill.
The gas barbecue, on the other hand is just a cooker that happens to be outisde. All it requires is the flip of a switch. It's pathetic. And so are you for even thinking about using one.
I mean really, gas barbecue, it doesn’t even sound right, like Nazi rabbi or razor pants.