No sex or violence. Or fun.
I have a friend who works in one of those multi-national corporations. You know the type, they make enough money every ten minutes to eradicate world hunger but spend it on branded paper clips. It's the kind of place where your emails are filtered for key words which might suggest creative thought, political feelings or any type of individualism.
So when I email him he often reminds me to be careful what I write, so as not to get him in trouble. Of course that's like asking Hitler to become a Rabbi; unlikely, for so many reasons.
In my desire not to lose him his job I manage to restrain but have often been given pause for thought as to what the least 'safe for work' email might contain. Presuming the exclusion of images and expletives, which would lead to the message being automatically filtered, I like to think it would be something like this:
Hi mate
How was your weekend? Did you manage to bury that little girl's body OK? I know the spot I recommended is pretty isolated but you do get the occasional dog walker, should be OK though.
I had a pretty chilled out one, spent Saturday fisting a dwarf with a severed pigs trotter in a synagogue. Then on Sunday we did some gardening and watched a video. That one you made with your brother, where you violate the unborn baby. It really got us both in the mood ; )
Quick question, when you hit your wife does it make her cook better? I always presume it does but I'd like to be sure.
Anyway have a good day
Lex
That's just off the top of my head, if you're reading this and you think you can improve on it send an email to lex@lexgenn.com and if any are particularly amazing I'll publish them here.